


The Cook's Poison

by Rhov



Category: One Piece
Genre: Anal Sex, Drugged Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Food Poisoning, Lemon, M/M, Oral Sex, Poison, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:34:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanji is determined to make Zoro his and will stop at nothing to do it, even poisoning the crew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cook's Poison

**Author's Note:**

> _After I read the doujinshi "Spit Out Your Soul," "Swear on Your Life Keeping My Secret," and "Laughing Quietly With the Monthly Duty" back to back, I had this little idea pop into my head._
> 
> _Disclaimer: I don't own_ One Piece _. Oda-sensei would roll his eyes if he read my fanfics._

"Yo, Usopp, look at me!"

As laughter rang out on the ship's deck, Sanji's eyes slid narrowly to the door. Here he was, slaving away in a hot kitchen, while they played outside, so carefree, no worries, no suspicions. It was so naïve, it made him want to laugh.

This was going to be too easy.

Sanji reached into his suit coat and pulled out a tiny glass vial. He made another fast glance to the door in a moment of hesitating panic. Convinced no one would burst in on him, as they tended to do, he uncorked the vial and poured the liquid contents into the stew he was making. He wrapped the tube in a handkerchief, set it on the ground, and stomped on it. The cloth muted the sound of breaking glass. Still, Sanji nervously looked to the door in case his thumping foot raised alarm. He heard Luffy's childish voice, Chopper's high laugh, and Usopp in the middle of another highly fictionalized tale.

"Idiots," he chuckled darkly. Sanji tossed the handkerchief with its glass contents into the trash to hide the evidence.

He carefully picked a few bottles from his spice rack and shook them into the stew to cover over any foul flavor. He needed to mask it enough to pass under Chopper's sensitive nose. He inhaled the steaming stew deeply.

"Too much basil, but these barbarians will never know the difference."

"Oi, Sanji!" Luffy hollered. "When's dinner?"

"Coming!" he sang musically.

Still, he sneered. This recipe would work for everyone else, but not for Brook. He specifically chose this day because Brook was on lookout and would remain up in the crow's nest through dinner. Hopefully he stayed up there no matter what he heard...or didn't hear.

Unconsciously, Sanji almost sipped a little broth to test the taste, but he stopped himself with his lips resting against the spoon. He laughed softly and lowered the ladle.

"Almost forgot. That would have ruined everything." He carefully spooned out bowls for everyone...except Zoro. He had something special for the marimo. Then Sanji double-checked all of his preparations. A devious smile curved onto his lips, tweaking his cigarette.

A moment later, Sanji twirled out of the kitchen and called out, "Monsieurs and Mademoiselles, dinner is..." Before he could finish, Luffy raced past him. "Oi! Careful, you rubber idiot."

The others filed in at a much more subdued pace. Sanji glanced up to make sure Brook really was in the crow's nest. His ears could have told him as much. A gentle violin melody wafted over the microphone.

"Brook," Sanji hollered loud enough for the skeleton to hear inside the observation deck. "How about a lively tune? A little dinner music will enhance the atmosphere."

"Yohoho!" came the jolly laugh over the loud speakers. "Good idea. Any requests?"

"Something loud enough for us to hear while we eat," he yelled, then turned to the galley with a menacing aura and muttered, "Just keep on playing."

Luckily, Brook could truly get swept away with his music, and so long as he was playing, Sanji would know where he was. The loud violin and boisterous singing would also deafen Brook to anything going on below. Sanji served out the bowls of stew, and Luffy dug in before the rest even got their bowls. However, when Sanji got to Zoro, he gave him a disgusted look and unceremoniously dropped a platter with a salad in front of him.

"The fuck is this, pervy-cook?" Zoro snapped.

"That is punishment for breaking my new glass bowl this morning, asshole."

"I said it was an accident. Sheesh!"

"And I say you need punishment! Be glad I made you anything. I even put on a nice vinaigrette and chopped tomatoes into that salad."

Zoro muttered something under his breath.

Luffy pouted at his petulant face. "Aww, don't worry, Zoro. You can have some of my potatoes...just none of my meat."

Before Luffy could offer his spoonful, Sanji whacked him on the head. "This is his punishment! For little kids like this, if you spoil them, they never grow up."

Zoro glared at him. "Who ya callin' a kid, dartboard brow?"

"Be a man and accept your punishment. Or are you too wimpy to do even that much?"

Zoro flinched and looked like he was ready to murder the cook. Instead, he grabbed a fork, stabbed the spinach leaves viciously, and ripped his teeth into them.

Sanji leaned back against the cutting table with a smirk. "Good...good. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves."

"Cook-san," Robin said. "I don't mean to be rude or insulting, but didn't you use too much basil?"

Luffy stared at his nearly empty bowl. "Eh? Really? I totally can't tell."

The corner of Sanji's eye flinched. Leave it to Robin to have a palate refined enough to know when he overdid a spice. "Ah, true, Robin-chwan. We hit a slightly rougher swell and too much spilled out. I hope it doesn't ruin the meal."

"No, it's quite good," Robin assured him.

Zoro snorted smugly. "So, even the great cook can fuck up a simple stew!"

"Ya want me to garnish your plate with a spray of marimo blood, asshole?" Sanji snapped.

They ate with only the usual noise of slurps, gulps, occasional belches, and yells at Luffy as he tried to grab other people's rolls or drinks. Sanji stood back in his kitchen, nonchalantly watching as he took long, patient drags on his cigarette.

Nami looked over to him in confusion. "Sanji-kun, aren't you going to eat, too?"

"Ah, sweet Nami-san," he said gently. "You think of me to the very end."

She arched an eyebrow at the cryptic words. However, before she could question him, Luffy fell face-first into his empty bowl. It clattered, and bits of stew splashed out over the table.

Usopp cried out as a potato chunk hit his arm. "Oi, go fall asleep...somewhere...e-else..." He also collapsed down onto the table.

"Sleepy," Chopper yawned, and he slid under the table to curl into a little fluffy ball.

Nami gasped as she also felt darkness creeping into her vision. "What's...going...Sanji-k...kun?" She tried to stay upright, but she fell backwards instead and crashed onto the floor.

"Poison!" Franky shouted. "Sanji, you bastard!" He tried to stand, ready to storm over and pummel the smirking cook. However, his legs gave way. He fell to his hands and knees panting hard.

Sanji took a long drag and huffed it out. "I knew your cyborg body would take longer. I slipped something a little special to disrupt the mechanics in your body as well."

Robin covered her mouth in shock as she saw all of her nakama fallen. "Cook-san? Why?"

Sanji smiled at her. She always took her time eating, properly giving thanks instead of gorging on whatever was laid before her, so it was not too surprising she would be affected last.

"Do you know who are the two most trusted members of a crew? You'd think it should be the captain and first mate, but even they can make bad calls that the crew disagrees with, especially _our_ captain. No, the _most_ trusted is the doctor, but almost equal to that is the cook. A cook can put anything at all into a meal, and the crew never doubts him. Both doctor and cook are responsible for the health and lives of the entire crew, but whereas you only turn to Chopper when you're sick or injured, the crew turns to me three times a day, plus snacks. Ironic, isn't it? The crew's day-to-day health, strength, and vitality all rests on the cook's shoulders. Most enemies severely underestimate a ship's cook, and most crews never think twice before devouring a meal. That's why this is so easy. You're all a bunch of trusting fools. No one dares to think the cook will poison them."

Franky tried to move his arms, but despite his struggles he could not move at all. "Robin, quick, vomit it out. Force yourself to vomit!"

With tears of betrayal in her eyes, Robin quickly shoved her finger down her throat. She gagged and coughed up a little.

Sanji stepped up behind her and grabbed her arms to the side. She tried to struggle, but her strength was completely gone.

"Smart girl, trying that, but it's no use. The chemical is already in your bloodstream."

Franky was now flat on the ground, unable to even move his mouth. "Zo-...-ro...help...R-Robin..." Then his eyes closed and he made no more sounds.

Sanji glanced over to Zoro as Robin continued her weak struggle. He was sitting upright, staring down at his salad, not moving at all. "No, Zoro is quite comfortable, I think." Finally Robin fell backwards against Sanji's chest. "There you go. Just sleep, sweet Robin-chan," he whispered gently into her ear.

Her eyes turned up to him in silent questioning, confusion, hurt, disappointment, and a little terror. Her breathing was too fast. She feared the blackness threatening to drown her and the unknown that laid at the bottom of this sable sea of somnolence. Sanji pouted that the poison hit her so slowly that she had to suffer like this.

"It doesn't hurt, I promise. Just close your eyes and it'll all be over."

She struggled, but her eyes slowly rolled back until she went limp. Sanji laid her gently to the floor and adjusted her clothes to keep them modest. Nami was on the ground with her legs still on the bench. Sanji picked her up and moved her next to Robin so she could be in a more dignified position. Outside, he heard Brook's song covering over the shouts and crashes inside. As he expected, the noise was no different from the usual rumble that too many fights broke into. The only person still upright was Zoro, but he had not moved in a long time.

Sanji sighed. It was done. He would never be trusted again. His usefulness as a cook was over. He would have to leave the ship before his crime was noticed. He was prepared for that, everything packed and ready for a swift escape on the Mini Merry 2. He took a last drag from the cigarette and crushed it out. Then he turned to the swordsman.

"Comfortable, Zoro? Oh right, you can't speak now, can't move those hulking muscles either. Right now I bet you're wondering why you haven't fallen over. Not why I haven't poisoned you as well, you're too dense to ask basic questions first."

Between paralyzed lips, Zoro's words came out slurred and soft. "Hy...ee?"

"Why me?" Sanji translated. "I wonder that every day. Why you? Why, of all the people on this ship, of all the pretty dames we meet in every port, of all the people in this fucking world...why you? Why did it have to be the man who hates my guts, who never once smiled at me, who will probably kill me after I'm done today? Why? Why the hell did it have to be you?" he shouted angrily. He grabbed Zoro's face until his eyes turned up into Sanji's. "Why...did I have to fall in love with an idiot like you?"

Although Zoro could not move, the look in his eyes changed from anger to surprise. He tried to speak, but his vocal chords were paralyzed. All he could get out were slight grunts.

"Shocked?" Sanji smirked. "I was too when I realized it. I tried so many times to hint it to you, but you're such a damn musclehead. Did you know I used to give you the biggest portion of meat? Of course you didn't notice, but Luffy did. I got chewed out for it. I called you in to do dishes with me hoping we could talk, but you never wanted to speak to me. I tried to increase my flirtations with Nami-san and Robin-chan, hoping to spark some sort of jealousy in you. Then I tried to forget it, worked it off whenever we came to a port, get as many women as I could, once or twice I even tried men. It was no good. I'd come back to the ship and see you...and all that lust would surge all over again. It fucking pissed me off!" he yelled, pounding his fists against Zoro's chest.

Sanji looked away darkly.

"I need to have you, Zoro. Even if it's only once. Even if...if I have to drug you. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but you're too damn stupid to notice." He looked aside in defeat. "You'd never want a guy like me anyway."

Sanji pulled Zoro up into his arms and carried him princess style to the adjacent infirmary to use the bed in there. He laid Zoro down on the sickbed and adjusted his arms and legs.

"You're still wondering why your arms and legs move like this. It's a sort of poison called Poseable Doll Serum. It's highly sought after by the cruelest of men, since the victim recalls every moment and every sensation. Your natural functions continue normally. You can swallow, blink, your heart beats, your lungs breathe, and..." Sanji stroked Zoro's groin. "...best of all, _this_ will continue to react just fine."

Zoro grunted out an unintelligible string of noises.

"Ahh yes, but you can't speak. Wouldn't want you to scream for help, after all," Sanji said with a sadistic smirk. "This serum is used in torture and as a date rape drug. And that's what I intend to do." He crawled onto the bed with Zoro and gently stroked the paralyzed lips with his nimble fingertips. "I'm gonna torture you by violating you in the worst way. I could have just knocked you out, but I want you to remember it. I want you to know I was the one who humiliated you. Even if you spend the rest of your life hunting me down...maybe I want that, too," he admitted with a cruel grin. "The thrill of being hunted by you...it turns me on!"

Zoro tried to shout something else, and for a moment Sanji considered gagging him. He was a lot noisier than he had anticipated. Zoro huffed in frustration, and with all of his might he strained out two syllables. "Uu-hee!"

"Luffy?" Sanji was shocked by the question. "Why are you so worried about Luffy?" A jealous glare blazed behind his stringy blond hair that covered one eye and half-hid the other. "I know you've always held a special place for Luffy. He picked you first, after all." Sanji looked away. "I don't have time to get jealous. The effects don't last long. Until then," and he stroked Zoro's cheek, "you're my little sex doll."

Sanji proceeded to undress himself. Then he untied Zoro's boots, removed them and his pants, and had to pose him a bit to get the rest of his clothes off. Then he placed Zoro back on the bed and looked at him, contemplating what to do first. He had thought about all the things he wanted to do, but since Zoro could not move, most of those fantasies could not come true. A whimper eked out of Zoro's throat.

"Scared?" Sanji asked with a pout. "You don't need to be frightened. I'm not gonna hurt you...too much." He laid on top of Zoro and listened to his heartbeat. "Beating so fast, like a frightened rabbit. I truly wish it didn't have to be this way. I love you, Zoro. You intoxicate me like no wine can." His finger drifted over the scar sliced over the swordsman's chest. "Since the day you received this, you've been all I can think about. That day on Baratie, I was going to let your crew go, pass you all off as just another set of rowdy, eccentric customers. However, when I saw you and Mihawk fight—when I saw the dedication you had, willing to die for your dreams—I admired that. I followed, not Luffy, but you. A day may go by when I don't dream of All Blue, but not an hour goes by when I don't fantasize about holding you, touching you...loving you." Sanji leaned forward and kissed Zoro's lips. "Everything about you: how toned your muscles are," he said, running his hands over Zoro's arms, "how sexy you look shirtless," and his fingers scratched over the hills and vales of abdominal muscles, "how you're always cool under pressure yet get pissed off at the slightest thing, your determined eyes, your mossy hair, your taste."

"Uuh?" Zoro grunted.

"Ah, you wonder how I already know your taste, huh? This isn't the first time I've drugged you. It's rather simple, actually, since you drink a full bottle of sake on your own. A few drops of sleeping tonic into the bottle, and since you take naps all the time anyway, no one in the crew even realizes anything is different. Except I can sneak up on you and kiss you as much as I want without you waking up. But they can only be kisses. Nothing like what I have planned today."

He kissed Zoro and licked the swordsman's lips. When he realized the mouth would not open for him, he was momentarily annoyed before wrenching the jaw down. It stayed in that position. Then Sanji thrust his tongue in and licked up the taste.

"Ah! Maybe I shouldn't do that. There might still be residue of the drug in your mouth." He tapped the jaw back closed with his finger. "I guess I should busy my mouth down here, eh?" He slithered down the bed to Zoro's groin. "Already getting hard. Am I really exciting you?" he teased.

Zoro again made attempts to speak that came out as grunts.

"You're probably trying to call me a bastard, right? Maybe that's so. A bastard and a coward. But now," he sneered with a tweak to his lips. "Now you're mine."

Sanji gave Zoro's shaft a long lick. He heard a suddenly inhale and smirked when the thick cock twitched and darkened.

"Ah-uuuurrrr!"

"Calling me a bastard again? That's okay. You'll call me worse once I've had my fill."

"Uooo!"

"You really are noisy," Sanji muttered.

Then he dived down on Zoro's dick, taking him all the way into his throat. That choked off any protests from Zoro as he coughed from the sudden heat and moistness of Sanji's mouth. Then the cook pulled his head back up and ran his tongue in a circle around the flared pink head. Zoro groaned in pleasure.

"Ahh, now that's the sound I want to hear. A smoking habit comes in handy, ya know."

He went down on him again, and Zoro flushed at the moans he was making, not even able to hold them back. His mouth was still slightly open, and his paralyzed vocal chords would not choke back the groaning sounds. He turned red at the slutty noises.

Sanji glanced up and saw Zoro's eyes turned down toward him. He thought for sure he would have closed his eyes to block out the sensations. Seeing Zoro watching with a pink tint to his cheeks was almost too adorable. Sanji lifted up onto his elbows and continued stroking him as he talked.

"Do you like to watch, Zoro? Do you like to see what I'm doing to you? What I wouldn't give for a mirror on the ceiling!" He reached up and shifted the pillows under Zoro's head, then hoisted the swordsman up a little to prop him. "There. Now you can watch me." He lowered back down, settled between Zoro's thighs, and sucked him hard.

Zoro's eyes squinted tightly as Sanji's tongue curled around the head just before pounding back down until he felt the back of Sanji's mouth. Those neck muscles relaxed, and Zoro felt himself squeeze into Sanji's throat.

"Uuuuuugk!" he howled as the cook deep-throated him.

Then Sanji pulled away fast, desperate for air as saliva and precum dripped out of his mouth. "God, that's hard to do with someone this thick! I hope you're appreciating my efforts. Now..." Sanji brought out two fingers and shoved them into Zoro's mouth. "Suck!" he ordered. Zoro stared up at him as if he was an idiot. "Oh, right. Guess you can't. I'll do it myself."

He sensually licked and sucked on his fingers. Zoro stared in amazement at how erotic the cook looked doing that. Then Sanji let the dripping fingers trail down his bottom lip just as he licked his upper lip. A fiery gleam entered Zoro's eyes.

"I honestly can't tell what that face is supposed to mean. Are you glaring at me because you want it, or because you want to murder me?"

"Ugh-ah!" Zoro grunted.

"Want it?" Sanji teased, and his finger ran circles around Zoro's anus.

"Uuuuugh!"

"I don't think that was a no." With that, Sanji slid his finger in.

Zoro's eyes went wide, and a choking sound croaked out of his throat. Sanji gently hushed him.

"Shh, it's all right. Does it hurt? I'm sorry. I'm going to prep you real good, but we are on a schedule here. Brook knows our habits. If we're not done with dinner within thirty minutes, it'll be suspicious. Ten minutes have already passed. So I apologize if I'm a little rough."

He thrust the finger in deep and twisted it. Zoro's eyes tightened as another loud howl shivered out. Sanji pushed on the swordsman's lower jaw until his mouth closed all the way shut. That muffled the shouts a little. Then Sanji slowly eased in a second finger. Despite the paralyzing drug, Sanji felt Zoro flinch deep inside.

"It'll feel better soon," he whispered tenderly. Slowly, he spread his fingers. Zoro's cries grew louder, and a tear dripped out of his squinted eyes. Sanji pouted and wiped it away. "I've wanted to make love to you for so long, Zoro. Sorry it has to be this way."

He pulled his fingers out and shifted Zoro's legs again. They moved however he posed them like some sort of doll. Zoro's breathing had just started to slow down when he felt something else poking at his ass, something softer but bigger. He looked down and saw Sanji lined up.

"I'm going in now."

An expressive gaze turned up to him, yet instead of the hatred he had expected to see, Zoro's face held sadness. He wondered curiously about that look for a moment, but Sanji decided he could not afford to let it bother him. What he was doing was despicable. Thinking about it too much would only make him chicken out. He was too far gone now.

Bracing himself, he pushed in. Zoro's whole face tensed, and even with his mouth closed he let out a howling scream. Sanji quickly picked up a pillow and tossed it over Zoro's face so Brook would not hear. He paused, not just to let Zoro adjust, but to listen. Still he heard another rousing song, Brook's melodic voice, and the ironically cheerful tune that was the background of this sadistic rape.

Sanji's face looked colder, and his asymmetrically curly eyebrows pulled down low. He looked at Zoro as the noise from him went quieter. Slowly, he pulled the pillow away. Zoro's face was still tense in pain, his breathing erratically fast, but only those heavy breaths were heard.

"Are you okay now?" Sanji asked, although he knew not to expect an answer. "I'm gonna move."

Slowly, he pressed in more. Zoro's closed mouth let out a weak whimper.

"Shh. I know it hurts," Sanji said gently, rubbing out Zoro's thighs to get him to loosen up. "Relax. Just take it in. It'll feel better soon."

To his surprise, Zoro did relax, and soon Sanji was inside him to the hilt. Zoro finally opened his eye and glared at him. Sadly, that was the face Sanji expected, a look of murderous intent.

Struggling with all of his might, Zoro croaked out. "Ook."

Sanji flinched that his mouth moved even a little. Was the drug already wearing off? It was supposed to last an hour!

"Hitty...cook." Zoro breathed hard at the strain it took to say just those two words.

"Fuck," Sanji whispered in panic. He pulled back and slammed back into Zoro. Again, it was only those indecipherable grunts. "No, no, no! I've gone too far for this not to work," he said with tears stinging his eyes.

He pounded harder, knowing he was being vicious now, but not caring. He had to have Zoro as all his, at least once in his life. If the drug was wearing off, he needed to hurry.

Even as he raped Zoro, somewhere under the terror and desire laid another emotion. Pleasure, but more than that. Taking someone this strong, this powerful, and utterly dominating them! It was a sick feeling, but the sadistic pleasure darkened Sanji's eyes. He wanted more! He wanted to make Zoro cry and never forget this moment of humiliation. He wanted this candidate for the greatest swordsman in the world to remember the day when another "sword" pierced him.

Sanji tried to shake those thoughts out. He respected Zoro, loved him, sometimes even feared him. Still, it was that ferocious spirit, like a tiger on the prowl, that made the hunt and capture so much sweeter. He had his little pet tiger now. Taming him was going to be fun!

As these darker feelings grabbed hold, he spread Zoro's thighs wider and snapped his hips hard into him.

"Uuuuuck!" Zoro howled. "Oof. Fof iff."

"No, I'm not going to stop it," Sanji growled.

"Fuckin' i'iot!" Although slurred and spoken like a man with cotton in his mouth, Sanji understood him clearly now. "Didn't uu 'hink..." Zoro panted at the energy it took to speak. "...tha' mayhe...I wanted thish too?"

Sanji froze now with wide, terrified eyes and trembled at those words.

"You...wanted...?"

He pulled out fast and scampered backward to the foot of the bed. Sanji covered his mouth, shaking his head at Zoro, not sure if he wanted to believe him, and horrified at what he had done...all for naught.

"You...goddamn...asshole!" Zoro huffed out, and now his lips curled into a sneer of hatred. "Why do that to the crew?"

"They were always in the way," Sanji said with cold, thudding tones.

"Bastard!" he roared. "You didn't have to fucking kill them!"

Outside, Brook's music paused for a heart-stopping moment. In a jolt, Sanji looked to the window, but then the music continued.

"Just to get at me?" Zoro sobbed, still speaking in slurred speech, yet fraught with grief. "Luffy, Nami, Chopper...everyone...you killed them all just so you could fuck me? _Why_ , you shitty cook?"

"Kill...?" Sanji looked to the door that led to the kitchen. "They're not dead, Zoro. I gave them the sleeping tonic I had been slipping to you up until now."

His eyes looked confused for a moment, then all at once Zoro sighed in relief and let out a soft laugh. "Sleeping? Shit. When you called it a poison... Ya really scared me!"

Sanji laughed and shook his head at him. "I may want you desperately, but I'm not about to kill nakama just to get you."

"Just drug and rape me, huh?"

Those words stung Sanji deeply, and he looked away with guilt. "I didn't think there was any other way to get you, and I couldn't keep just fantasizing."

"Sanji," Zoro said softly, and the cook looked over in shock that he had used his given name and not some insulting nickname. "You never even asked."

"I hinted," he protested.

"I'm a guy! I can't figure out elusive hints and vague suggestions. You gotta tell it to me directly, and even then I might not totally get it."

"That's just like you," Sanji had to agree. He looked down at Zoro's violated body and cringed. "I'm...sorry." He knew those words were just that—words—and they could never repair the close bonds they once had.

Zoro looked aside and grumbled, "Keep doing it."

That made Sanji jolt, and he looked over to the swordsman hoping that what he heard was true.

"If you're a man, finish what you've started," Zoro snapped peevishly, but then his voice dropped. "It...was starting to feel good."

Sanji still wondered if this was some hallucination, if maybe the kisses he had given to Zoro twisted the poison into a psychedelic drug. Cautiously, like approaching a wild tiger, he crawled back over the bed to him.

"Still can't move much," Zoro warned.

"I'm sorry," Sanji pouted, caressing Zoro's chest.

"Stop apologizin' an' fuck me, ya damn dartboard!" Zoro shouted as best as he could through his muffled mouth.

That made Sanji chuckle a little. Zoro was back to his normal self, and the cook loved him just the way he was. He leaned forward and kissed Zoro. This time, the swordsman's mouth opened, and his tongue twirled slowly around Sanji's. Feeling Zoro kiss him back made Sanji's cock spring back for action. He frotted up against Zoro, and the moan that came out now growled in pleasure.

"In!" Zoro ordered. "Get in me before the others wake up and we're interrupted."

Sanji gazed down at him and almost wanted to cry in happiness at hearing Zoro so willing. With just a little spit to lube himself up again, he thrust in, and Zoro let out a badly-suppressed " _Fuck!_ "

Sanji's haunches snapped forward, jolting Zoro with each thrust. The green hair began to slick down with sweat. Zoro panted in time to Sanji's rhythmic humping. When the cook shifted positions and ran right across the prostrate, Zoro had to squeeze his throat to hold down a yell of pleasure.

"I wanna touch you," Zoro huffed.

Sanji paused and looked down at the unmoving arms. When he lifted them, they moved and posed wherever he wanted them. He placed one hand on his waist and the other up around his neck, squeezing Zoro's fingers to keep a grip on his skin so the arms would move along with his thrusts.

"I think this will work," Zoro decided. "Keep going."

Sanji moaned as he slid in and out of Zoro. In the midst of such pleasure, he realized Zoro's cock had a clear stream of precum dripping down. He wiped the weeping head with his thumb, and Zoro's whole body flinched. Sanji chuckled at such sensitive reactions and wrapped his fingers around the heated shaft, giving it a few firm pumps. Zoro opened his mouth to scream, but Sanji dived down to cover his lips, swallowed the shouts.

"Nng...f-fuck." Zoro's face cringed, wishing he could cover his mouth to silence himself.

"You're sexy when you make that face," Sanji grinned in satisfaction.

"Keep saying cheesy smut phrases and I will fucking murder you when we're done."

"I expected as much when I planned this. You'd hunt me, kill me, but at least I'd forever be on your mind."

"If you got away with this, I would've hunted you and raped you for a week straight."

"Then I almost wish it had worked."

Zoro opened his eye and looked up at him. "It did...better than you think."

Sanji paused and looked down in tenderness. "Zoro..."

"Why the fuck are you stopping? I'm gonna...cum," Zoro warned.

"Oh no you don't." Sanji grabbed his cock hard, blocking him. "Not until I'm ready."

"You fucking bastard!" Zoro howled.

Luckily, such shouts were normal for dinnertime, and outside Brook paid no mind.

Sanji decided to speed up. His thrusts came hard, pounding Zoro until he roared. Sanji leaned over and bit into Zoro's shoulder, digging his teeth in and sucking up a huge hickey. The taste...complex, like a rare wine. Tangy sweat, bitter steel polish, salty ocean spray, but underneath all that was something sweet. He began to lick more of Zoro's body, testing out how his arms tasted different from his chest, which was in no way the same flavor as his cheeks, and his mouth added a whole new stack of complex layers. The chef in Sanji wanted to keep tasting and discover the ingredients that made up this man.

Zoro's lips pulled back in a sneer. "Goddammit, let me cum."

Sanji breathed heavy and husky. "Almost...there."

"Fuck...fuck...gonna...kill you. Let me go already."

Sanji laughed in exhaustion. "I almost wanna see you squirm some more."

"You shitty..."

"Too late though," he said in a squeezed voice as his entire body tensed in one huge contraction before exploding outward.

Thrusting in deep, he finally let go of Zoro's cock. The stream of cum shot off hard as Zoro quivered at finally being allowed to cum. At the same time, Sanji felt himself fill Zoro's ass.

"Oh...God!" Sanji panted as he climaxed in wave after wave of bliss. "Fu-...uhh...-uck! Zoro!"

" _Nnnghooh!_ " Zoro moaned.

Sanji dropped his head down onto Zoro's chest and let his hair fall into his sweaty face as he gasped for air. He felt Zoro's hand grip the nap of his neck, then the other hand slowly lifted and ran through his hair. Sanji smiled at the gentle petting, but then jolted as he realized what was going on. He looked down at Zoro in amazement.

"You can already move?" he asked in surprise.

With a sweaty, flushed face, Zoro looked up to him with a light smile. His fingers move over Sanji's skin, caressing his throat.

"Zoro," Sanji sighed in relief, stretching his neck as Zoro's rough fingernails racked over his adam's apple. "I guess your movement is coming back, eh?"

"Yup, guess so." Suddenly, those fingers grabbed Sanji's throat and began to strangle him with surprising strength.

"What the...? Ack! Guh!" Sanji grabbed the choking fingers and began to pry them off. "Bastard! What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing?" Zoro shouted in rage. "The fuck were you thinking? Drugging the crew and raping me! Shitty perv-cook! Now get your filthy cock out of my ass before I go _oni giri_ on it and make you eat it."

"With some onigiri?" Sanji could hardly help but say it, yet the fingers around his neck tightened at being teased. Sanji withdrew and leaned back to escape from Zoro's clutches. His throat felt bruised, but not badly.

"You shitty cook! This is the last time I'm ever playing the bottom for you. Next time, it'll be your ass on fire, and I'm gonna laugh when I make you cry like a girl."

"Next time?" Sanji asked with a wary smile.

"Hell yes! You think I'm gonna leave it at this? You only got the drop on me because I didn't think you were douche enough to poison me through your food. We'll see how well you fair when I switch out the leaves in your cigarettes and get you stoned off your ass."

Sanji laughed, but then looked toward the galley door. "If you ever get the chance. The crew won't want me back, not after I betrayed their trust like that."

"Make up something, like it was bad food."

"Robin and Franky were awake long enough to know that isn't the case."

"Then let me deal with them. Now clean me up so I can get some coffee or something to help the rest of my body remember how to move."

After ten minutes and a hot shower together, Sanji was again in his kitchen staring at the handkerchief in the trash that he had used to crush the vial and hide the evidence. He cleaned up everything and organized all the supplies as he waited, just in case Luffy did not buy their story and kicked Sanji out anyway. He saw that the time limit was up. With a long sigh, he went to the galley and looked around. Luffy was snoring into his empty bowl. Usopp muttered with his face smashed into the table. Chopper happily dozed under the table. Franky was still passed out face first. Nami and Robin were curled up together on the floor.

Across the way, Zoro leaned against the door, arms folded, eyes narrowed. He had promised Sanji, if the lies did not work, if Luffy grew angry at Sanji for poisoning their nakama, then he would do his best to hold off the captain while Sanji made a quick escape. However, he was completely convinced it would never get to that point. Even if the entire dark truth came out, Luffy would probably laugh it off.

Chopper was the first to rouse. Sanji guessed his reindeer body must have helped speed the circulation of the sleeping tonic.

"Ah, did I fall asleep? Why am I under the table?" As he crawled out and stood up, he saw everyone else fallen to the floor. " _Ahhhhhhh!_ What happened to everyone?" He whipped his head back and forth in a panic. "This is terrible. Someone call a doctor."

Luffy moaned, raised his head straight up, and wiped dried stew off of his cheeks. "Eh? Dinner's over? I want seconds!"

"Sorry," Sanji said cautiously. "You fell asleep. I'm afraid there's only dessert left."

"Yay, dessert! Hey, is it night already? Everyone's asleep, but it's still bright out."

Usopp and Nami were the next to slowly wake up. Nami looked beside her to Robin. "Did we all fall asleep?"

Now was the moment to see if he could lie better than Usopp. "Ah, sorry about that," Sanji said with a huge, sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his head in what he hoped would be a disarming expression. "It seems some of the vegetables we picked up in the last port were bad. I hadn't eaten yet, and since Zoro had that salad, he wasn't affected by the sleepiness."

"Sheesh, Sanji," Nami sighed. "You mean your food poisoned us?"

He flinched slightly. "Nami-san..."

Zoro came to his rescue. "Maybe if you gave him more money for shopping instead of being stingy all the time, he could buy higher quality goods."

Luffy nodded in full agreement. "Yes, and more meat. Meat won't make you tired. It gives energy."

Nami pouted and looked aside. "I guess we can spare a little more to afford better quality."

Luffy leaped into the air. "Woohoo! More meat!" With that, he ran outside.

"No, this is for better vegetables," Nami tried to explain, following him out.

The others left, and then Zoro guarded the door again. This next part would be harder. It took a little longer for Robin and Franky to get up. When she opened her eyes, Robin looked amazed.

"I'm alive?" She looked over to Sanji in confusion. "Cook-san?"

"I only put you to sleep," Sanji assured. "Franky, and especially you, Robin-chan...I owe you both apologies," Sanji sighed.

"Sanji," Zoro said with a low, husky voice. "Go outside. Let me explain it to them."

"But Zoro..."

"The three of us are the only ones who know what you really did. The others think it was merely bad food. Let me explain it. They might not want to believe it if you told them."

Although depressed at such lack of trust, Sanji realized he was right. Who would believe the man who just poisoned the crew? He pulled out a cigarette, put it to his lips, and walked out the galley door. Fresh salt sea air greeted him. Laughs from Luffy and Chopper rang over the calm sea. High above, Brook's song had become a dance tune, and Usopp was giving an impromptu jig while Nami sat under an umbrella with a book.

How could he have been ready to leave all this behind? Then again, the man he had nearly sacrificed it for was worth it. Zoro was everything that annoyed him, and everything he loved.

After a few minutes, the door opened and Zoro stepped out with the other two. Robin caught Sanji's eyes, blushed, and hurried over to Nami. That was...odd. Franky came right up to Sanji and dropped an immensely heavy hand onto his narrow shoulder.

"I understand it now. Really, you didn't have to go to that extreme."

"I know that now," Sanji said humbly. "I'm really sorry."

"Not at all, not at all. You should have come to me first."

That jolted the cook. "Uh...sorry, Franky, but...well...you're not my type."

The cyborg laughed heartily. "No, no! I am a hundred percent only for women. But hey, I built a room for that sort of thing. Completely soundproof. It's hidden too, only I know where it is and how to get in. No one else has had...well... _this sort of problem_ yet. I already told Zoro about it. He can show you."

"Um...thanks?"

He slapped Sanji's back, knocking the air out of him and nearly sending him overboard. "A manly catch, bro. Good luck with that one." Then he went off to laugh at Usopp's dancing routine.

Zoro came up to Sanji looking smug. It worried the cook a little.

"Just what did you tell them?" Sanji whispered.

"Hmm? Oh, just that you wanted your brains fucked out hard and put everyone to sleep so we wouldn't have to worry about anybody overhearing you squealing like a baby pig."

" _What?_ " Sanji screamed.

The crew paused in all their activities. Robin tittered softly. Then the music restarted, and once the rest realized the two men were not about to start another brawl, they all went right back to whatever they were doing.

"That makes me sound desperate," Sanji hissed harshly.

"You were, enough to poison everyone."

"But...but it makes it sound like...like...like I'm the uke!" he protested in a clenched whisper.

Zoro had a cocky grin. "You will be next time."

"The hell I will!"

"You will," he nodded in utter assurance. "I know where Franky's hidden love room is located and how to get inside. I told him not to tell you. If you wanna make use of it, you have to agree to be the uke."

"Like hell!"

"We'll see which holds out longer: your pride or your raging libido." With a haughty chuckle, Zoro went against the wall and slid down to the ground. "Nap time." In three seconds, he was out.

"Sanji!" Luffy shouted. "When's dessert?"

The cook gave a sigh as he headed back to the kitchen. That marimo could be a total ass but...what an ass!


End file.
